The end or a new beginning?

Yesterday the course came to an end. Work handed in. Tutor checked everything. Passed and certificate will be forwarded in due course.

Ending thoughts.
1. Same tutor all through course would be good.
2. The course should not be rushed.
3. B is a twat.
4. I learned a lot about myself.

I could say – what will I do on a Thursday ? But I will not as I have a new job starting in Monday.

My thoughts towards the end…….

The course tutor left us two weeks ago. The group was left in limbo and there were a lot of raw feelings that had to be dealt with. The shock everyone felt soon turned into anger. I had to leave the building for a short while to put all my feelings into order.

I felt that B had left us in the lurch, I felt that he had rushed through the course as we had finished all what we needed to do. Apart from having course work marked, three weeks early. B would always finish the day early. Sometimes up-to 45 minutes. Some students missed a session but B would never give them a run down on what had happened, even when we finished early. He always seemed to be rushing somewhere.

The new Course tutor B immediately tried to put us all at ease. She did succeed to greater extent but could not answer my question about will B return the course work that he has for marking. (that issue has since been sorted).

Most of the time two weeks ago was taken up with her trying to find out where we were in the course and what we needed to do to get our certificate.

B also sat with the group that included me, C and N. We were observed in the roles of helper, helpee and feedback.

I was concerned initially with the observation but everything went well for all three of us.

Next week is the last week, course work to be in and taken away for verification.

My blog about this course will come to an end in the next week or so. This was put online as a diary about what I was feeling during this ten week course. It has not been well read, but that was not the purpose. This was about me.

For anyone who finds this and wishes to find out what happens next follow this link.

My thought for the day.

Thursday – Last Lesson.

The course is coming to a end. Feedback from my classmates and tutor have been positive. The experience has been great. I have learned a great deal about myself.

All that is now needed is to hand in my coursework.

Thursday will now be a little bit empty.

Big news bad day.

Course tutor gave up. Does not want to return. Arse.

USA

I attended the US Embassy in London yesterday for my formal interview for the work visa (green card). I have been approved and the passport with visa should be with me next week.

This will mean that I cannot take this counselling course any further. The conditions on the visa mean that I have to be in America during May next year or I will have to go through the process again. I will not have the time to complete the course.

More Question’s and Answers.

Questions and Answers.

This ten week course is drawing to a close. I am now considering what I have learned about myself and where do I want this experience to take me.

1. I’m comfortable talking about certain aspects of my life.
2. I have taken responsibility and only discuss what I wish.
3. I have been surprised about how certain feelings I  have, have been mirrored in others.
4. People have been supportive about my adoptive story.
5. I have met some very good caring people.
6. I wish to be a counsellor.
7. I have a better understanding of how different I am in relation to how others see me.

To expand the points.

(3) While talking in the group I expressed the feeling that I have that when I am meeting new people I have the inner feeling that I think I am going to say something stupid, silly and others will think that I am below them….
One other in the group admitted to having the same feeling. Is this shyness as when I was younger I was painfully shy at times, It was very difficult to work through it. I still feel dread at times for meeting new people.

(7) I have received feedback from the role play on how well I have handled the session. I have felt that others must see something different as during the session that was mentioned I felt inner turmoil. I was very focused on getting everything right, the open, middle, close, trying to show empathy, asking the right questions.

All this shows me that everything I do and feel has an effect on my helping work. I must be careful not to allow any outside emotion or action I make impact on the session. The session is not about me it is about someone else.

Questions and Answers.

This ten week course is drawing to a close. I am now considering what I have learned about myself and where do I want this experience to take me.

1. I’m comfortable talking about certain aspects of my life.
2. I have taken responsibility and only discussed certain aspects of my life.
3. I have been surprised about how certain feelings I  have, have been mirrored by others.
4. People have been supportive about my adoptive story.
5. I have met some very good caring people.

I have my US visa interview appointment on Wednesday 16/11/2011. If everything goes to plan it looks like the family will be in the USofA by the middle of next year.  That means I will not be able to take part in the next part of the counselling course, as I will not be able to complete it.

C wishes me to take some sort of self study computer course as this may in the short time give me a better opportunity of getting back into work. I will be doing this but with the view of gaining the counselling qualification when we are settled  in the states.

Methven Church

The website is back up. The e-mail address for the minister has been changed. The minister is still the same.

The question’s I have to consider:

1 Did he receive the E-mail?
2 Did he receive the E-mail and could or would not respond?
3 Why?

I am struggling with the concept that the minister would just ignore me. Surely if he was unable to help he would advise me of that fact. A quick note to say sorry.

I am leaning towards getting in touch again. There is a new email address and there is a phone number shown.

6.4 – 4.1 & 4.2

09 November 2011

6.4 Open and closed questions.

Closed questions demand yes or no answers with no chance to elaborate. Questions that normally start with, could, should, would, have, will. They normally lead to the answer yes or no. For example; “did you resign…..”, “did you do well in your exams”, “do you want tea or coffee”.

Closed questions are only good if you are confirming some fact or to show that you have been listening closely. Using a closed question during a conversation for other than confirming could have the unintended consequence of stopping the conversation dead.

Why questions are open questions but they should not be used. If you use the word “why” you are asking for justification for what has been said, As a counsellor your job is not to ask for justification, your job is to allow your client to explore and come to terms with their feelings for what has happened.

Open questions require longer more detailed answers, they require the other person to talk about a topic. All the W’s, how, when, where, what, which. “Tell me how you are feeling today”, “What happened next”.

4.1  Identify the helpee’s needs.

I have to remember that I am helping and the conversation is about the helpee not me. I will ask what they want to talk about and develop the conversation around there needs. The conversation will develop in a manner that the helpee wishes and will not be led by me. I will give them the power to decide what is discussed.

I will ask them what they wish to discuss. If given a few issues I will say “given the time that we have available what is the most important?”. Remembering what may feel trivial to me may be the most important thing to them.

During the conversation I may say. “can we take a moment, we have talked about ……….. “ or “can we take a moment, I am confused, we talked about ……….”. This will show that I am listening and confirming that we are talking about what the helpee wishes to talk about.

4.2 Describe why it is important to identify and stay focused on what is important to a helpee

The conversation is all about them not me. If I want the helpee to benefit from the conversation I need to make sure I identify the core issues and guide the helpee to remain on track during the conversation.

For a listener to help, the listener has to listen to what is said, not what he thinks what has been said. To do this we use reflection and we summarise. Thus we make sure the client remains on track and gains most from the time that is available.

We need to be careful that we do not lead the conversation. Only reacting to what has been said. If I do not remain focused on what is important the helpee will not gain the maximum amount of benefit from the time available.

The Role Play

In the role play today I was the counselor in a scenario about the fear of flying.

I opened the conversation by saying,

“You look like you need a chat, I have 5 minutes available if you wish.”

“Before we go any further I must say that I am not a counsellor, I am not qualified in any way but I have been told that I am a good listener.”

“Also I need to mention that everything said here will remain confidential within limits, If you say anything that leads me to believe that you or another is at risk especially children I may need to break that confidentially.”

In a effort to identify S’s needs I asked open questions.

“Please tell me what is troubling you?”

Closed questions were asked only to confirm that I understood what the issues were. I said “The problem is with you and your partners issues with flying?”

I sat facing S, I kept looking at her and mirrored her body language, I nodded in agreement with what was being said.

It was then mentioned that S was scared of flying. This along with her partner having the same fear and his way of dealing with the issue putting pressure on the the relationship.

Her partner would deal with the problem with watching on Discovery Channel any program about air crashes and the like and would also keep mentioning this to S.

During the conversation I would restate, I did this to ensure that we remained focused on what the issues were. She mentioned fear of flying, I said “fear of flying” while nodding agreement. I reflected by saying “scared of flying”

I showed that I was listening to her by saying “go on” “I understand”, “I suffer from the same fear.”

I was able to show empathy. I did this by various different actions. I listened attentively to S. I did this by restating and reflecting what had been said. I mentioned that I had the same fear as I had been on a very turbulent flight a few years before and that had lead me to avoid flying for a number of years. I understood her problem. When S was describing her fear, she showed emotion on her face, I mirrored that emotion. I validated  what they felt by saying “I can understand why you are upset, any one would find this difficult.”

After 5 minutes I had to bring the conversation to a close as the agreed time was up. I said “we have to finish now as our time is up, we can arrange to meet later if you feel it would be helpful.

I summarised our conversation, I said, “we were talking to day about you and you partners fear of flying and the pressure that this puts on your relationship.” “We can speak again if you wish.” “I do know that both British Airways and Virgin Atlantic both run courses for people that do not like flying, I will try and get the telephone number for you.”