6.4 Open and closed questions.

Closed questions demand yes or no answers with no chance to elaborate. Questions that normally start with, could, should, would, have, will. They normally lead to the answer yes or no. For example; “did you resign…..”, “did you do well in your exams”, “do you want tea or coffee”.

Closed questions are only good if you are confirming some fact or to show that you have been listening closely. Using a closed question during a conversation for other than confirming could have the unintended consequence of stopping the conversation dead.

Why questions are open questions but they should not be used. If you use the word “why” you are asking for justification for what has been said, As a counsellor your job is not to ask for justification, your job is to allow your client to explore and come to terms with their feelings for what has happened.

Open questions require longer more detailed answers, they require the other person to talk about a topic. All the W’s, how, when, where, what, which. “Tell me how you are feeling today”, “What happened next”.

What comes next….

It does not look like I will be able to take the next step in this process. The next class in the course starts on the 3rd January 2012. This is on a Tuesday and day C works till 9pm and I need to be able to collect J from school.

Bummer….

The Day After.

Feedback better this week. Very simple and constructive.

Feedback given in both cases and taken well.

The only thing that we talked about regarding the feedback, is that depending on the subject that was being talked about, the actual helping session could be really difficult or very easy. It depends on whether you have a experience in what is being discussed.

Firstly we did role play using open and closed questions.

In one instance we talked about the fear of flying. With this subject it was found that the use of open and closed questioning was comparatively simple. Most people have some concern about flying so you are tapping into their inner self while talking about this subject.

While my role play was very difficult. I was being counselled and my chosen subject was the fear of buttons. This does feel far fetched, but between the ages of 5 and 10 years old, I had such a fear.

This subject gave my helper very little to work with as it is outwith her experience. Also as we are very early in this process of perhaps becoming a counselor, the experience needed to know where to go  with this was not there. I was asked some questions but the session came to a close quiet quickly as it was not known what to ask.

Secondly  we did role play as a listening helper.

In this instance while I was acting as the counselor and the counseled the subject of fear of flying was discussed.

We both found the role play to be helpful, we both used the listening skills that we have learned well.

My son J.

The only reason that my work was finished today, is my son. I have had difficulty finishing this piece of work. The holiday did not help. C and myself have been under the weather for the last week or so.

Today J decided to nap from 3.30pm till 7.30pm. I have had to stay up with him as he is not ready for bed yet. This has given me the time to work on the last 300 words after C went to bed. J is 3 years old. Only in the last few weeks has he been able top play and keep himself amused thus giving me the time to get the work done.

Even although the course is only one day a week, when you factor in child care I can not always find the time to do what I need to.

four weeks to go……….

 

 

 

 

Communicate emphatic understanding.

3 – Communicate Empathic Understanding.

3.1

Sympathy and empathy are separate terms with some very important distinctions. Sympathy and empathy are both acts of feeling, but with sympathy you feel for the person; you’re sorry for them or pity them, but you don’t specifically understand what they’re feeling. Sometimes we’re left with little choice but to feel sympathetic because we really can’t understand the plight or predicament of someone else. It takes imagination, work, or possibly a similar experience to get to empathy.

For example.

Sympathy;

You feel sorry for someone because they have had a accident, a death in the family, failed exam. You are reacting in a personal way about something that has happened. Sympathy is about my emotions.

3.2

Applying  our basic counselling skill to communicate empathic understanding.  We do this by;

1. Actively listen to the person.
2. Imagine if you yourself were them in their position.
3. Don’t feel bad for them, understand them.
4. Offer support not just sympathy.
5. Summarizing how what they stated and how they’re feeling so they know that you understand.
6. Understanding through mirroring of facial expressions and body posture.

To demonstrate this, first of all my body language would be open. I would establish comfortable eye contact, I would maintain good body posture. I would not fidget. I would direct my full attention towards the other person. I would mirror their facial expressions and body posture.

I would listen to the person, to show this. I would nod my head in agreement to what was being said, I would reflect what has been said thus giving them the opportunity to expand if they wish. I would also say things like, “I am sorry to hear……”, “I see this is upsetting……”, “you look upset……..”.

I would validate what has been said by saying things like, “I can understand why you’re upset”, “anyone would find this difficult”.

I would offer personal support. I would say things such as “I want to help in any way I can”, “please let me know what I can do to help”.

Most people don’t expect you to come up with a solution. People are just looking for someone who understands.

If you can really picture and feel it, your reactions should come naturally.

3.3

Demonstrate sensitivity to individual needs

You need to be open and understand that everyone is different, have their own needs and wants and that they may not be in line with what you believe. There is not just one right way. Culture and believe means that there is always more than one way to solve a problem or live your life, but by talking and listening to them will help you both become more comfortable. No one should be influenced by prejudice and we should not just judge someone because of what they look like or believe.

What I would do will depend on who I am talking to. I would not ask a woman who had her face covered to remove it as I would not ask a man wearing a scull cap. Both Items that can be worn as part of religious or cultural custom. I may ignore these issues but must respect them.

I am a very open minded person as far as religious and cultural society goes. So I would ignore all outside factors and deal with the person and their issues.

We must not forget that apart from religious and cultural issues  there are others that may need to be dealt with. Disability, whether that is physical or mental all have there own challenges.

Depending on the situation you may wish to have a clock in your interview area, this will allow you to be able to control the time that you have available but will also allow your client to see how much time is left. He may wish also to control what is said. He may wish to leave a big issue till the end so it can be left in the air till later.

Being sensitive to needs is all encompassing, It is how you talk, greet, meet, its about your start, middle and end of the conversation. It may be religious, racial or you may be talking to someone who has been abused or an abuser. I would treat all with respect and understanding. Giving no advice or advising them what I would do.

Homework after a week off.

Returning to London today after some time in Suffolk.

Big mistake on my part, thought I would get my home work done while I was away. It did not get done because either myself, J or C was feeling not well. I hear you say, what’s the problem? The problem is that this weeks work, “empathy and sympathy is probably one of the more difficult modules for me to do. I struggled with the work last time in class.  I found the role play difficult and not very productive.

I will have to sit on the internet on Monday and Tuesday while J is at nursery and try to get my head around the subject.

Now over a week later I may have a little difficulty in sorting it out in my head. My mistake in not getting it done while it was still fresh in my head.

Lesson for the week : Less notes more listening.

Feeling down today.

It has been over a week since I made contact with Methven.

No answer to the e-mail has been received.

It leads me to start answering questions that have not been asked yet. Did the minister receive the e-mail. If so has he sat on it. Did it go into spam. Has he spoken to someone but no contact is wanted. Has no contact been made. I could go on and on…..

The funny thing is this is where the Church Web Site goes to. Last week it did not go to a holding page.

Funny the week I start making inquiries the site goes offline.  No answers just more questions.

The least I would of expected was a short e-mail saying that he could not help me.

Questions Questions Questions…..

 

 

Week 5 – Empathy, Simpathy.

For the first time it did not take me ages to travel to Charlton for the class this morning. Normally I arrive at the bus stop and wait 15 to 20 minutes for a bus. Not today, bam and it was there. Change in Plumstead. The bus was there. Arrived Charlton in extra fast time. Arrived at 9:15 am, So early.

more to follow.

Thoughts of the week.

1. Prompt sheet – good idea but did not translate to success. More work needed, i.e. learn……
2. Buses are unreliable.
3. You cannot take notes and listen at the same time.
4. Do not rely on the feedback of others, your own self critique is just as important.

more to follow.

Prompt Sheet.

Putting this simple prompt sheet together will hopefully allow me to keep on track.

Open.

“Hi there ……………………. fancy a chat …….   ?

“I cannot give you advice, I will not try and find you a solution, I am not qualified in any way to advise the best course of action, but I can give you 10 minutes for a chat”

Also

“Before you go any further I need to mention that everything said here remains confidential within certain limits. If you say anything that leads me to believe that you or any other are at risk especially children I may need to break that confidentially”.

Middle.

• Restate —– Words

• Reflect Reflect Reflect —– Meaning, Feeling.

• Paraphrase

Ending.

1. End session appropriately. —– our time is at an end now, but before we finish can I just go over what we have said.
2. Acknowledge feelings. —–
3. Other sources of support. —– money, emotional, family, doctor, police, cab, cccs
4. If you think that this has helped, we can chat again soon………
5. Arrange a time if appropriate.

Constructive Feedback.

 

Providing or receiving feedback is not always easy, since the most useful feedback is that which highlights areas for improvement.

One way to make the provision of feedback easier on both the provider and reciever, whether that be a friend, family member, or colleague, is to make sure it is constructive feedback.

Constructive feedback can be utilised by the receiver to work on those areas requiring improvement.  In other words, it empowers them rather than deflates them.

Using the acronym CORBS can help you be constructive in your feedback:

• Be CLEAR in the strengths and weaknesses demonstrated by the person you are providing feedback to.
• OWN the fact that your feedback is your own perception and also reflects information about yourself .
• Make the feedback  REGULAR in that it is provided immediately after the action or event that you are providing feedback on.
• Be BALANCED with the feedback, cushioning action points for improvement between positive feedback.
• Be SPECIFIC, ensuring that the feedback can be use and learnt from.

Another way to help in the provision of constructive feedback is to imagine a sandwich or burger:

• The top slice of bread is positive feedback.
• The filling is constructive feedback.
• The bottom slice of bread is more positive feedback.

  

This keeps the feedback balanced, cushions any negative feedback, and empowers the receiver to tackle those areas that need working on.

The receiver of the feedback can come away with negative feedback still with a boost to their morale, which will help them target those areas that need improving.

http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2011/08/28/the-art-of-constructive-feedback/