My thoughts towards the end…….

The course tutor left us two weeks ago. The group was left in limbo and there were a lot of raw feelings that had to be dealt with. The shock everyone felt soon turned into anger. I had to leave the building for a short while to put all my feelings into order.

I felt that B had left us in the lurch, I felt that he had rushed through the course as we had finished all what we needed to do. Apart from having course work marked, three weeks early. B would always finish the day early. Sometimes up-to 45 minutes. Some students missed a session but B would never give them a run down on what had happened, even when we finished early. He always seemed to be rushing somewhere.

The new Course tutor B immediately tried to put us all at ease. She did succeed to greater extent but could not answer my question about will B return the course work that he has for marking. (that issue has since been sorted).

Most of the time two weeks ago was taken up with her trying to find out where we were in the course and what we needed to do to get our certificate.

B also sat with the group that included me, C and N. We were observed in the roles of helper, helpee and feedback.

I was concerned initially with the observation but everything went well for all three of us.

Next week is the last week, course work to be in and taken away for verification.

My blog about this course will come to an end in the next week or so. This was put online as a diary about what I was feeling during this ten week course. It has not been well read, but that was not the purpose. This was about me.

For anyone who finds this and wishes to find out what happens next follow this link.

Thursday – Last Lesson.

The course is coming to a end. Feedback from my classmates and tutor have been positive. The experience has been great. I have learned a great deal about myself.

All that is now needed is to hand in my coursework.

Thursday will now be a little bit empty.

Big news bad day.

Course tutor gave up. Does not want to return. Arse.

USA

I attended the US Embassy in London yesterday for my formal interview for the work visa (green card). I have been approved and the passport with visa should be with me next week.

This will mean that I cannot take this counselling course any further. The conditions on the visa mean that I have to be in America during May next year or I will have to go through the process again. I will not have the time to complete the course.

More Question’s and Answers.

Questions and Answers.

This ten week course is drawing to a close. I am now considering what I have learned about myself and where do I want this experience to take me.

1. I’m comfortable talking about certain aspects of my life.
2. I have taken responsibility and only discuss what I wish.
3. I have been surprised about how certain feelings I  have, have been mirrored in others.
4. People have been supportive about my adoptive story.
5. I have met some very good caring people.
6. I wish to be a counsellor.
7. I have a better understanding of how different I am in relation to how others see me.

To expand the points.

(3) While talking in the group I expressed the feeling that I have that when I am meeting new people I have the inner feeling that I think I am going to say something stupid, silly and others will think that I am below them….
One other in the group admitted to having the same feeling. Is this shyness as when I was younger I was painfully shy at times, It was very difficult to work through it. I still feel dread at times for meeting new people.

(7) I have received feedback from the role play on how well I have handled the session. I have felt that others must see something different as during the session that was mentioned I felt inner turmoil. I was very focused on getting everything right, the open, middle, close, trying to show empathy, asking the right questions.

All this shows me that everything I do and feel has an effect on my helping work. I must be careful not to allow any outside emotion or action I make impact on the session. The session is not about me it is about someone else.

Questions and Answers.

This ten week course is drawing to a close. I am now considering what I have learned about myself and where do I want this experience to take me.

1. I’m comfortable talking about certain aspects of my life.
2. I have taken responsibility and only discussed certain aspects of my life.
3. I have been surprised about how certain feelings I  have, have been mirrored by others.
4. People have been supportive about my adoptive story.
5. I have met some very good caring people.

I have my US visa interview appointment on Wednesday 16/11/2011. If everything goes to plan it looks like the family will be in the USofA by the middle of next year.  That means I will not be able to take part in the next part of the counselling course, as I will not be able to complete it.

C wishes me to take some sort of self study computer course as this may in the short time give me a better opportunity of getting back into work. I will be doing this but with the view of gaining the counselling qualification when we are settled  in the states.

The Day After.

Feedback better this week. Very simple and constructive.

Feedback given in both cases and taken well.

The only thing that we talked about regarding the feedback, is that depending on the subject that was being talked about, the actual helping session could be really difficult or very easy. It depends on whether you have a experience in what is being discussed.

Firstly we did role play using open and closed questions.

In one instance we talked about the fear of flying. With this subject it was found that the use of open and closed questioning was comparatively simple. Most people have some concern about flying so you are tapping into their inner self while talking about this subject.

While my role play was very difficult. I was being counselled and my chosen subject was the fear of buttons. This does feel far fetched, but between the ages of 5 and 10 years old, I had such a fear.

This subject gave my helper very little to work with as it is outwith her experience. Also as we are very early in this process of perhaps becoming a counselor, the experience needed to know where to go  with this was not there. I was asked some questions but the session came to a close quiet quickly as it was not known what to ask.

Secondly  we did role play as a listening helper.

In this instance while I was acting as the counselor and the counseled the subject of fear of flying was discussed.

We both found the role play to be helpful, we both used the listening skills that we have learned well.

My son J.

The only reason that my work was finished today, is my son. I have had difficulty finishing this piece of work. The holiday did not help. C and myself have been under the weather for the last week or so.

Today J decided to nap from 3.30pm till 7.30pm. I have had to stay up with him as he is not ready for bed yet. This has given me the time to work on the last 300 words after C went to bed. J is 3 years old. Only in the last few weeks has he been able top play and keep himself amused thus giving me the time to get the work done.

Even although the course is only one day a week, when you factor in child care I can not always find the time to do what I need to.

four weeks to go……….

 

 

 

 

Communicate emphatic understanding.

3 – Communicate Empathic Understanding.

3.1

Sympathy and empathy are separate terms with some very important distinctions. Sympathy and empathy are both acts of feeling, but with sympathy you feel for the person; you’re sorry for them or pity them, but you don’t specifically understand what they’re feeling. Sometimes we’re left with little choice but to feel sympathetic because we really can’t understand the plight or predicament of someone else. It takes imagination, work, or possibly a similar experience to get to empathy.

For example.

Sympathy;

You feel sorry for someone because they have had a accident, a death in the family, failed exam. You are reacting in a personal way about something that has happened. Sympathy is about my emotions.

3.2

Applying  our basic counselling skill to communicate empathic understanding.  We do this by;

1. Actively listen to the person.
2. Imagine if you yourself were them in their position.
3. Don’t feel bad for them, understand them.
4. Offer support not just sympathy.
5. Summarizing how what they stated and how they’re feeling so they know that you understand.
6. Understanding through mirroring of facial expressions and body posture.

To demonstrate this, first of all my body language would be open. I would establish comfortable eye contact, I would maintain good body posture. I would not fidget. I would direct my full attention towards the other person. I would mirror their facial expressions and body posture.

I would listen to the person, to show this. I would nod my head in agreement to what was being said, I would reflect what has been said thus giving them the opportunity to expand if they wish. I would also say things like, “I am sorry to hear……”, “I see this is upsetting……”, “you look upset……..”.

I would validate what has been said by saying things like, “I can understand why you’re upset”, “anyone would find this difficult”.

I would offer personal support. I would say things such as “I want to help in any way I can”, “please let me know what I can do to help”.

Most people don’t expect you to come up with a solution. People are just looking for someone who understands.

If you can really picture and feel it, your reactions should come naturally.

3.3

Demonstrate sensitivity to individual needs

You need to be open and understand that everyone is different, have their own needs and wants and that they may not be in line with what you believe. There is not just one right way. Culture and believe means that there is always more than one way to solve a problem or live your life, but by talking and listening to them will help you both become more comfortable. No one should be influenced by prejudice and we should not just judge someone because of what they look like or believe.

What I would do will depend on who I am talking to. I would not ask a woman who had her face covered to remove it as I would not ask a man wearing a scull cap. Both Items that can be worn as part of religious or cultural custom. I may ignore these issues but must respect them.

I am a very open minded person as far as religious and cultural society goes. So I would ignore all outside factors and deal with the person and their issues.

We must not forget that apart from religious and cultural issues  there are others that may need to be dealt with. Disability, whether that is physical or mental all have there own challenges.

Depending on the situation you may wish to have a clock in your interview area, this will allow you to be able to control the time that you have available but will also allow your client to see how much time is left. He may wish also to control what is said. He may wish to leave a big issue till the end so it can be left in the air till later.

Being sensitive to needs is all encompassing, It is how you talk, greet, meet, its about your start, middle and end of the conversation. It may be religious, racial or you may be talking to someone who has been abused or an abuser. I would treat all with respect and understanding. Giving no advice or advising them what I would do.

Homework after a week off.

Returning to London today after some time in Suffolk.

Big mistake on my part, thought I would get my home work done while I was away. It did not get done because either myself, J or C was feeling not well. I hear you say, what’s the problem? The problem is that this weeks work, “empathy and sympathy is probably one of the more difficult modules for me to do. I struggled with the work last time in class.  I found the role play difficult and not very productive.

I will have to sit on the internet on Monday and Tuesday while J is at nursery and try to get my head around the subject.

Now over a week later I may have a little difficulty in sorting it out in my head. My mistake in not getting it done while it was still fresh in my head.

Lesson for the week : Less notes more listening.